Ah yes, Friday in the city. That special moment in the week when a young man’s thoughts turn to penises. Lord knows there be no shortage of erections looking to bump uglies cum the weekend in the homo-positive hamlet of Montreal. Given that many of these erections are from out of town – we thought it prudent to provide a short guide to a few choice locations where one can find a nice one to tug on without actually having to waste time engaging in any significant courtship-type nonsense with its owner.
To help us in this crucially important endeavor we turned to our friend and ace cocksmith Chris Mackinnon, a stud who knows his cruising locations like nobody’s business, having been gnawing down on strangers in the great outdoors for more years than he’d probably like to remember. So, with no further adieu, here is one very big homo’s cruising advice to all you boner-sporting tourists out there and to the locals who love you – though not quite enough to fuck you at home.
St-Laurent at Ste-Catherine
Best in the afternoons when the crack addicts are all out in the sun workin’/stealin’ and not in the peep shows offering dry-mouthed blowjobs for two bucks. But be careful – the theatre area inside can be way scary: “Ouch, was that a syringe I just sat on?” Very early weekend mornings, say between 5 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. are quite interesting around here also, but only if you’re into disillusioned junkie boys (some of them are very cute though) desperately conveying a basic need for some money and your cock that they’ll suck to get it.
Ste-Catherine W. at de la Montagne
This place is best late at night when you get all these straight Crescent Street boys who couldn’t get laid opting to come in here for a better blow job anyway. Trust me, it can get very hot! And at noon hour you can usually find businessmen at this location who will definitely drop their pants and/or numb their knees for some non-wifey-wife lunch.
OUT IN NATURE
Great for crotch watching on any nice summer day, and great for crotch gobbling as soon as the sun goes down. The corner of Sherbrooke and Amherst is where everyone goes because of the big trees you can hide behind so as not to be seen from the street. Lafontaine Park has been a prime homo meeting ground for as long as anyone can remember. A safe bet to be sure.
Ooh, how I long for the good ol’ days gone by. Nowadays, if you’re planning on heading up here for sex, you’d best bring up a king can of beer, a joint and a bag of nuts for the squirrels. I still know a few people who come here sometimes, but it’s nothing like the cruising Eden it used to be. Even at dusk, once the most popular time of day for seed-sowing on the mountain, as often as not lately it’s no better than a dry hump against a strong wind. I know “patience is a virtue,” and “persist and you shall suckseed,” but personally, I just don’t feel like waiting around for hours to see if maybe something tasty will pass by. Nevertheless, it’s generally worth checking out if you’re in the neighborhood and feeling horny. Walk up Mont-Royal Avenue to Camillien-Houde – you know that street that goes over the entire mountain, with the lookout halfway up it? That’s the one you want. Go up it just a little ways and when you come up to the big cement median, turn left into the woods. If anything is happening on Mount Royal, this is where it’s going to be.
Viger Park (Amherst and Viger)
Dodge the cop ‘n’ gobble some cock is the name of the game here… ooh, the excitement of a criminal record. Your best bet is under and around the bridge directly south of the park.
Just hang around outside The Circus or the Stereo – it’s like fishing in a barrel. What’s more, the Village’s afterhours clubs attract a mixed crowd and can be great for hot, anonymous “the-girlfriend-out-on-the-dancefloor-doesn’t-know” kind of sex with straight boys. Except with all those chemical-induced gnawing jaws runnin’ around, you always run the risk that your boy is going to have an ol’ mandible “E” spasm right in the middle of giving you some good ol’ head. Believe me, don’t think it’s never happened. Ouch!
West of the Village, the recently renovated Sauna 456 (456 de la Gauchetière W.) is without a doubt the place for glory holes, discreet heteros and the city’s finest porno films. I find that Village bath houses tend to be filled with way too many “precious” types – lots of looking and not that much touching – and not nearly enough butch! The porn in any bath house is usually quite good though, as well it better be if you’re paying double-digits just to sit and jerk off. If queens sitting around smelling pretty is your cup of tea, however, then by all means stick to the bath houses in the Village.
A really good urinal I’ll sometimes go to is in the basement of the Administration building at McGill University. I think queers have been cruising here since time immemorial, particularly during the safer hours of day when most of the students are in class. Circle jerks around the urinal seem to be the most popular activity here. Another one I really like is at Central Station. It’s not such a great place for sex, but the volume of cock you can get a good glimpse at just can’t be beat – no pun intended. We all know that pretty well any unshielded public urinal is a potential place to find action, but this one is my personal favorite – for looking, at least.
Finally, wherever you go, and whatever you do, be safe, and have lots of fun. But please, pick up your used condom, its wrapper and your spermy Kleenex when you’re done. You don’t wanna ruin it for everyone else now, do you? Remember, a cop can follow the scent of a used condom and a Kleenex like any other truffle-rootin’ pig!